Massachusetts Mama

Moving to Massachusetts was not easy.

Well, alright, that’s not entirely true.  Moving wasn’t hard. I had just graduated college and bought all of my furniture once I got here.  What’s hard about that?  No, the hard part is moving past being one of a few hundred thousand students, past being a “visitor.”  It’s hard to become a Massachusetts resident in the sense of feeling like you can say “I’m from Boston.”

New Englanders can have a reputation for not being as “nice” as other parts of the country.  That’s not entirely fair.  What they are is more private. While people can be nice and friendly and gregarious, you still don’t find a lot of people trying to become friends with the new neighbors. Or, while you might certainly say hello to the neighbor across the street, they aren’t going to invite you over for dinner.  It’s hard to really make friends when you’re not from around here.

At first, it was no big deal.  We still had our college friends. M got his undergrad degree here, so a bunch of his friends were still around.  A college friend of mine moved here the same time I did (and, in the end, married M’s roommate, but that’s another story).  But, as these things go in the years post-college, people moved away.  Friends left town, we moved out to the suburbs.  As a newlywed with no kids in a house in the ‘burbs, I suddenly realized my social circle was very small.  We didn’t really have work friends to hang out with, many of our neighbors were retired couples.

I suspected that having kids would be my big New England icebreaker.  There would be a cute baby to talk about, new groups and activities to join. In an environment where people don’t actively seek out new friends, I’d have a new outlet.  I had no idea how true this would be.

Some things were as I imagined: the new mom groups, music classes, and the like. What I didn’t imagine was how much the “twin thing” would change it all… for the better!  Finding out I was having twins was certainly an unexpected twist, but it turns out I couldn’t be in a better place.

You see, it turns out that Massachusetts has the highest rate of twin births in the entire country.  Add that to a very densely-packed area, and you can hardly turn a corner without seeing another double stroller. Now, I did read an article that suggested this was not so great, and you can see what I thought of that (spit, spit).

Truthfully, if you have twins, Boston is a great place to be. While some people might prefer to feel a little more “special” or unique, I rather like the fact that having twins is not the biggest deal in the world.  I still felt like enough of a traveling circus with the Double Snap N Go, it was nice to also run into people who’d give you a knowing nod.

I was further reminded of the benefits this week at my Moms of Twins Club’s monthly “Cope” meeting.  Half-support group and half-social club, I realized how lucky I was to have twins.  Because, you know what? There’s no “Moms of Singletons” club.  With my MOT club, I get to be in an organization that has an email group/message board for all kinds of parenting advice (not to mention things like referrals for a local plumber), that puts on events for the kids and for the moms, and is generally great for support and resources.  It reminds me a lot of my sorority – a local chapter of a national organization, all women, a big/little sister program… OK, they don’t do formals and my sorority never held a huge tag sale.  But you catch my drift.

Tricky as the social circles can be in Massachusetts, I was right in thinking that having kids would be the break-out that I was looking for.  I had no idea that, by doubling down, a whole new world would open up to me.  Looks like I was destined to be a Massachusetts Mama, after all.

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7 Comments

Filed under Secret society of twin moms

7 responses to “Massachusetts Mama

  1. I’m so proud to be part of the club too!
    I love it here in Bahhhston too! Never leavin’.

  2. OMG – this hits every nail on the head. I’ve said pretty much everything you have written here (probably not as well though 😉 )

    Love the pic of the kids – Daniel sticking his tongue out is priceless 🙂

  3. I live in RI and it is very much the same there. Now I wish I had twins so I could get all that support and all those cool friends!! LOL

    P.S. Moms of “singletons” blog for friends – that’s how we meet people and get advice 🙂

  4. jungletwins

    Great post! When I lived in Massachusetts I was always complaining about it and thought pretty much everywhere else was Shangri-La. Now that I live in Shangri-La (otherwise known as “the tropical island of no twins except my own”), I think Massachusetts is the real Shangri-La! If only I’d realized this before I had twins…

  5. I moved here with my husband and we settled permanently in New Hampshire about 4 years ago – we both went to school in Massachusetts. I have found that what you said about New Englanders being more private really resonated with me. I have found that in New Hampshire, people are very much private. I find that we have more of an independant, libertarian streak than y’all do in Mass. and that often results in agreements that government intrusion and stranger intrusion should just be minimal or non-existent.

  6. Vicki

    I read that article you linked to and I wanted to spit nails. I spent months going to the NICU praying for my twins to be ok. Luckily they are both doing great now. Any mom who would wish one of her twins would die so it would be easier, needs to be kicked…repeatedly. I was so angry after reading that. I have fraternal twin boys that were conceived naturally at the ripe old age of 26. I wasn’t an old mother or an IVF mother but I am still asked constantly how I handle having twins. They are blessings to me and I wouldn’t give either one of them up for the world and all its riches. I’m now also expecting a little brother/sister for them and I dare anyone to question my sanity again.

    Sorry to rant in your comments. I recently found your blog and I love it. Thank you for being so honest.

    :-), Twin mommy in Virginia

  7. When I read the link you had posted I was thinking how scary it was to see my premature twins suffer(they were transparent and tiny) ,and to be responsible at a time when I was so vulnerable physically and emotionally.

    It was the twins who bought me back out of that sinking feeling. They taught me so much and for that I am simply indebted to them.

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