Unpleasant Flashbacks

A woman in my moms of twins club sent a somewhat desperate sounding email to our group’s listserv last night. She was going through that awful, overwhelmed period where you feel like you spend so much time managing the babies that you can’t actually enjoy them. Plus, she’s in a new moms class (probably the same one I took), and really only has the other singleton moms to compare herself to, so she feels like she’s really not “keeping up,” while all of the other moms are practicing the songs and reading books to their newborns… She got a lot of really positive feedback from the group, as what she’s going through sounds completely normal to the rest of us.

It just got me thinking. I loved that new moms group, because there really are a lot of things that are universal to the experience of being a first-time-mom. We’re all a little nervous, wondering if it’s normal for newborns to be so… noisy, and all of the other new-baby stuff. But on the other hand, there are some fundamental differences to the experience of having multiples that go beyond “twice as much of everything.” Because, especially in the newborn days, that can mean twice as much time feeding, changing diapers, trying to get them to sleep, etc. And that (obviously) has an enormous impact on what else you’re able to do. There’s very little time (and, in particular, energy) for things we hear that singleton moms are doing - singing songs, reading books, lots of cuddling. With two newborns, you almost never get to do those things, and it’s hard not to feel like a shitty mother for it. Especially when the singleton moms in your class claim that their 6-week-old “loves books!”, and you’ve yet to crack one open for your pair. When you hear that there’s some guideline that says you’re not supposed to leave them in the swing for more than 20-30 minutes at a time (I swear I read this somewhere), and that’s the only place you can get yours to sleep, or at least stop screaming long enough for you to pee. Oh, the ways in which we beat ourselves up over the things that we do just to survive those first few months.

Mom-101 wrote last month about the differences between parenting your first and second child. She seemed to be feeling the mom-guilt of not being able to do the same things with your second that you can with your first. A lot of what she said felt very familiar to me, and I thought that being a first-time-mom of twins is a lot like being a second-time-mom, but without the benefit of ANY experience at all. Lucky us!

The key for me, as I have said before and will say again, is social support in the form of a mom network. And much as I love my singleton mom friends, and I don’t mean to knock them, because parenting any newborn is hard, hard work - it’s just different with twins. It just is. And you need to be able to talk to people who have done it with two.

My pediatrician and I were chatting this morning, and I mentioned one or two of the tricks I’ve learned (like coating chunks of slippery banana and avocado with crushed rice krispies), and she laughed and said I was good at giving advice. And I’ve always loved being the person who can help people get questions answered. Tour guide, board member, whatever, I love it. But it’s not because I’m especially clever or creative. I didn’t come up with the rice krispie thing on my own, nor did I dream up most of the other tricks of the trade I’ve learned. I got them from other moms. I’ve asked questions of the women in my MOT club, whether through the listserv or at our monthly mom-support meetings (which I will soon be co-chair of, I’m such a joiner!). I’ve read the blogs of other twin moms, I’ve asked questions here and had people give me ideas and support. And I love passing all of this on to those who come after me, because I know how much it meant to me.

It’s part of the reason I started and have kept this blog. It’s the main reason that I started How Do You Do It?. It’s why I’m getting a little ridiculously involved in my moms of twins club. Lots of us live far away from our families, and it’s unlikely that most of our friends with kids also have twins. We need each other so we don’t go completely insane.

And, little by little, you start to figure it out. You pass that awful newborn stage and end up with predictable naps and happier kids. And then you realize, you’re lucky to be a twin mom when you watch your singleton friends use all of that spare time to hover over their children and freak out about every little scratch or stolen toy. As overwhelming as those newborn days are, I honestly believe being a twin mom actually makes you a lot more laid back about a lot of things, because you have to pick and choose what you’ll spend your time worrying about. You realize your kids have made you a supermom.

Nine-month stats

This morning was our nine-month well-baby appointment (Hi, Dr. C!). I do enjoy having the first appointment of the day. No crowds in the waiting room, everything runs on time. Of course, that puts it right at naptime, but they did fine. M was going to come with me, but take his own car. So I left, and got a call from him a few minutes later. Things had blown up at work and he wouldn’t be joining me. And, of course, I only had the BOB in the car, which really wasn’t going to come into the office with me. Opening doors with two arms full of babies is, um, tricky.

Anyways, the visit went well, both kids were pronounced in great health, hitting or approaching milestones appropriately (they were totally showing off their mad gross-motor skillz), etc etc etc. And their weights… I guess all of that avocado is actually being ingested! They’re even bigger than I had guessed. Rebecca packed on nearly three pounds in three months, tipping the scales at an enormous (ha!) 16lb1oz. Wohoo, 6th percentile! Look out Daniel, she’s catching up! OK, maybe not. As Daniel put on just over 3 pounds himself, to end up at 20lb5oz. Wow, no wonder it was tricky carrying them both into the office - 36+ pounds of baby!

In the end, their usual 90 minute morning nap at 9AM turned into 30 minutes in the car at 10:15, so now they’re a touch on the crabby side. Ah well, we’ll survive.

Edited to add a photo: a little walk and a swing in the hammock help to deal with the no-nap crabbiness…

———

Oh, and a shout out happy mom-aversary to two of my fellow How Do You Do It? mamas… Happy first birthday to Jonathan and Faith, and happy second birthday to Nate and Alex!! And congrats to moms Krissy and LauraC for being such super-moms!

Like a big gay hug

A brief pause from twin talk (there will be more later today, we’re off to the pediatrician this morning), so that I can say HOORAY, CALIFORNIA!  Unless you’re living under a rock (apparently, a rock with internet access?), you have already heard that the California Supreme Court struck down the state’s marriage law banning same-sex couples from marrying, saying yet again that separate is NOT equal.

I live in Massachusetts, where same-sex couples have been allowed to get married for almost exactly four years.  And let me tell you something groundbreaking: the world has not ended.  We have not been struck by lightning, our buildings have not crumbled.  “Traditional” marriages have not gone by the wayside.  Our children are no less safe.  What did happen?  People who want to spend their lives together, pay taxes together, raise kids together, and be there for each other in sickness and health, have been allowed to do just that. Have there also probably been some foolish matches, people who rushed into it without thinking carefully, relationships that ended?  Um, yes.  And how is that any different from what the straight folks do?  That’s what I thought.  If anything, it was a boom for the local economy!  My former boss is a church organist, and he made a killing that first summer, along with the florists and the caterers.

Honestly, I just don’t understand the people who are anti-gay-marriage.  I mean, I suppose I get the homophobia.  But the ridiculous argument that I heard this morning on the Today show, that “redefining marriage to include same-sex couples undermines the very meaning of marriage,” is just insanity.  I suppose the basis for this argument is that marriage is for the creation of children.  OK, then what about couples who struggle with infertility?  Or those who just plain decide not to have kids?  Do they not deserve to be married, either?  Ugh.

Nope, the court got it right.  “providing a separate designation for same-sex couples … perpetuates the notion that gay individuals are second-class citizens.”  And that’s just plain unacceptable.  I can only hope this ruling sticks, and California can find out what we learned here on the East Coast a few years ago: the sky does not fall.  Why not let two men or two women live their lives together with the same protections someone else has?  It hurts NO ONE.

I can only hope my kids grow up knowing that what’s important is to be kind, responsible, and thoughtful. I hope they believe enough in their own value that they choose a person to love who loves them back, treats them with respect, compliments and challenges them in all the best ways.  Regardless of whether that person is a man or a woman.

And here’s to hoping that Massachusetts and California serve like a big, tolerant hug for the rest of the country.  I think we could use a few more of those.  Yes, I know that there are large swaths of people who think MA and CA are two of the four horsemen of the apocalypse, but if that’s the case, maybe the apocalypse won’t be so bad!  Ooh, am I going to hell for that one?  Hrm, don’t believe in hell.  Sweet…

Preview

Things have been a little hairy here the last few days.  Daniel has been going through a few days of separation anxiety / touchpoints / general crabbiness, and it has really worn on me.  My previously very happy boy who was all smiles, all the time, is regressing to his old Señor Fussy-Pants days.  Though he’s still the same sweet boy with a great laugh, he’s been very clingy and screamy if I dare to put him down, or basically do anything other than help him stand up at all times.  You’d think that, rather than putting him in the beloved exersaucer, I was actually stabbing him repeatedly with a dull spoon. (Why a spoon?  Because it’ll hurt more, you twit.)  I even got a little preview of temper tantrums to come, complete with the arched back maneuver.  Good times.  I can only hope this passes soon, and he figures out standing or crawling or whatever it is he’s working on.

Rebecca also seems to be giving me a hint of the toddler days to come.  I couldn’t tell you exactly what it is, and I don’t have a photograph to illustrate it, but sometimes I look at her and there’s a particular expression on her face or angle of her head… and I see her as a 3-year-old.  She’s funny, she makes silly faces and scrunches up her nose, and I can tell she’s going to be up to no good at all.  She’s crawling faster and faster every day.  She looks over her shoulder to see me, grins, and then keeps right on going, straight for the dog’s food.  And while she hasn’t been quite as crabby as her brother, she definitely has been intent on making her opinions known.

For the moment, they are blessedly napping, but off I go to pack our bag for class this afternoon.  Things feel a little crazy right now, maybe because we’re woefully behind on babyproofing, so there’s a lot more running around after Rebecca….

My boys

A sweet picture from yesterday.

We went to our favorite furniture store to buy a new mattress (woo, exciting!). This particular one has, in addition to furniture, a trapeze school, an ice cream store, a Fuddrucker’s, and “liquid fireworks.” (No, I’m not kidding, it’s really a furniture store.) A little like the Bellagio, every half hour the water jets do a little show in time with music, complete with lights to make it look like the water is different colors. Daniel was a little freaked out at first, so M picked him up to watch the show. That was much better.

Happy Mothers’ Day

A very happy Mothers’ Day to all of you out there in blog-land.  My day has been just peachy so far - M got up with the kids so I could stay in bed (I’m incapable of really “sleeping in”, but it was nice to stay in bed and doze on and off), and even made me French toast and sausage.  Mmm.  Later, at my request, I think we’re going shopping for a new bed.  Good times!  Nothing exciting, but it’s a gorgeous day and I have two wonderful kids.  Not a bad way to spend a holiday.

So happy day to you and yours, especially my fellow first-timers out there: Krissy (just barely!), J, and Beverly…

Babies’ first BNL show

I am exhausted. I think I went to bed around 8:30 last night, and could have done so even earlier. And I may still try to rest when the kids take their morning nap today. But, I have to say, it was fun to do something different! Here’s how it all went down…

I heard there were going to be wristbands distributed as soon as the store opened, so my initial thought of arriving around 1:30 or 2 for the 3:30 show was nixed. When the kids got up from their morning nap, we hopped in the car and made our way out there. We arrived around 10:45, and much to my annoyance, they actually made you buy a CD in order to get a wristband. ARGH! That makes three times I’ve paid for the damn CD… once for the preorder I still haven’t gotten, once on iTunes (OK, because I was impatient), and then once at the store. Oh well, I’ll give the extra to someone.

Anyways, it’s all of 11AM and we’ve got our wristbands (which ran out shortly thereafter, so it was a good thing we arrived when we did), and several hours to kill. I got a coffee, the kids had their bottles. We made our way to the kids’ section to hang out. They were great, happy enough to hang out, and made friends with all of the staff people in the area. They were a hit with everyone, as always. I had brought all manner of things to keep them occupied, from bottles and solid food to toys and pacifiers. My backpack was a little heavy, but it worked out OK.

Around noon I gave them their lunch, and we walked over to Bruegger’s for lunch for me, a change of scenery, and a little fresh air. There was already a line beginning to form outside the store, of folks who had wristbands already but wanted to be the first ones in. Yeesh. Thankfully, it wasn’t a long or fast-growing line.

After lunch, I walked them back into the store, reclined the stroller seats all the way, and quietly rocked them until they fell asleep. Hooray for a regular nap schedule, their bodies totally knew it was naptime. They didn’t stay asleep super long, but it was something. While they were asleep, I hung out and read a little, and then decided to join the line outside.

They were going to start letting people into the seating area around 2pm, so we hung out outside for a little while until then. Met some nice people, met some odd people. It helps me remember I’m nowhere near the extreme end of the freak scale, even when I get excited about these things. So, at 2pm, they let us in to the seating area they’d set up near the magazines. Unfortunately, I had to ditch the stroller. With Daniel in the Ergo, Rebecca in my arms, and a backpack on my back… I was quite the mommy pack mule. And still, there was an hour and a half to kill.

The space full of toddlers was really pretty well-behaved. Everyone started to get loud and antsy (and very warm!) as time went on, but it was alright. I let the kids sit on the floor, a nice woman who I met in line helped me hold one of them from time to time, and all of the staff friends we’d made while waiting kept coming to say hi to us.

And finally, the band came on a bit after 3:30. Hooray! It was fun to be so close, fun to have all of the kids in the audience (the store did make sure to keep most of the actual seats for people with kids and babies, and let those unencumbered folks take standing room). It wasn’t excessively loud, fun to hear the new songs, and a touch of the usual BNL banter (regarding “whale” milk and set lists written on tortilla chips). The songs, as I recall them, were:
Raisins
Ninjas
Pollywog in a Bog
Another Postcard
Eraser
7 8 9
One Week

Was it, objectively speaking, worth it to spend most of a day in Barnes & Noble with two 9-month-olds to hear a 30 minute concert, and then decide not to stick around for the CD-signing because it was too close to rush hour? Eh, maybe not. But I wouldn’t say I regret it. It was an outing, it was pretty fun, the kids did super well. In fact, I think this may have been the perfect age to attempt such a thing, and the best shot I’ll have at anything similar for quite a while. Why? Because they’re napping reasonably well (and don’t need to be swaddled, thank god), and are also not yet mobile and into everything. (Well, Rebecca is, but she’s not too fast yet.) And you know what? It was something different. I like my routines and schedules, derive enormous benefit from them, and adhere to them somewhat strictly. But sometimes you just have to do something different. Similar to something LauraC touched on yesterday, it’s good to do something that feels like what a “normal” parent (of a singleton) might do.

And what did the kids think of their first BNL concert, you ask? Well…

Yep, they were both asleep by the 3rd song. It was a long day.

“Snacktime” Review

OK, so I pre-ordered Snacktime from Nettwerk back in… oh… MARCH. Has it arrived? No. What is the point of pre-ordering if you aren’t going to get it to people on time? Especially in the era of iTunes. Yet again, Nettwerk screws the pooch on the pre-order front. But I was taking the kids to the show, so I had to hear the new songs before I heard them live! I bought it on iTunes, anyways. (Yes, it might all be a ploy by Nettwerk to get me to buy it twice. Grr.)

But all that aside, I’m in love with this album after all of two listens. Great combination of funny, random, sweet, and all friendly for the kids while providing a giggle for mom and dad. It’s fully 24 songs, but most of them are pretty short. While I think you should go straight to your friendly iTunes store and buy it, here’s my thoughts on individual songs, in case you feel like getting all à la carte. I wanted to put them out there before we head to the show… which we’ll do as soon as the kids are up from their morning nap!

7 8 9 - The first “single” from the album, 7 8 9 sounds like Rawhide, and is based on the old “why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.” Leave it to BNL to take a two-sentence kiddie pun to it’s absurd extreme. You can download the single for free from BNL’s website, and you can see the silly animated video on YouTube.

The Ninjas - Apparently we think Ninjas come into our room at night. They also, apparently, sometimes vacation in Ireland. I know, weird. But only a minute long, and very catchy. You’ll be singing along before you can help it.

Pollywog in a Bog - Remember elementary or middle-school science when you learned about tadpoles and pollywogs and frogs? Well, here’s that lesson in song form. It’s got a funny sort of reggae bit in the middle, just begging for you to dance around like a goof with your kid.

Raisins - Um, random much? Much like the rap bits in One Week, the lyrics are basically non-sequitur, stream-of-consciousness… but a great tune, and you’ll be singing along (and fumbling the lyrics) immediately.

Eraser - An ode to the humble eraser. I will admit that I don’t tend to love Kevin Hearn’s songs right away. That said, they usually grow on me, and this one already is doing just that. I’m not sure how they managed to do a part-polka, part-soul, largely-Weird-Al-esque song about erasers, but it works.

I Can Sing - A great little bluegrass tune. Yes, BNL does bluegrass, too. And pretty darn well! Great harmonies, great banjo… just plain fun.

Louis Loon - Sweet pop song, just telling the story of a Loon, whose friends want him to stay and play. That’s all.

Food Party - It’s like beat poetry, with flavors and textures. Including umami, I swear.

Canadian Snacktime Trilogy, Part 1: Snacktime - Ethereal, and I think it’s Gordon Lightfoot singing. But the best part is the middle, where you have a bunch of people saying their favorite snacks. It includes phone-ins from (among others) Sarah McLachlan, Lyle Lovett, and Weird Al, as well as each one of the band’s kids! Cute.

Canadian Snacktime Trilogy, Part 2: Popcorn - What popcorn would sound like, if it were a song.

Canadian Snacktime Trilogy, Part 3: Vegetable Town - Eh, not my favorite, to be honest. I mean, it’s sort of whimsical, talking about a town that’s made out of different vegetables. But it’s just a little to slow for me. But they get points for having their kids sing backup.

Drawing - Very 80’s synth Devo-esque. You parents who were children of the 80s will dig it and bust out your old dance moves, much to your kids’ amusement.

Humungous Tree - I love it, but I find I’m lacking the vocabulary to describe it. Sort of bossa nova, sort of retro, sort of jazzy, the beat/rhythm has a lot of great movement.

My Big Sister - Short and sweet. A funny, faux-dramatic song about a boy who doesn’t want hand-me-downs from his sister.

Allergies - Loud, fast, rocking song… about allergies. I feel like a kid with a lot of allergies would get a kick out of this song. If they have to be so careful with things in their life to avoid their allergies… this song is anything but careful. Energetic and fun.

I Don’t Like - Honestly, I think this one’s mainly for the parents. As I read somewhere else, it’s the new “If I had $1,000,000″ as far as between-verse banter.

What a Wild Tune - Sweet song about the music in nature.

Bad Day - It sounds kind of depressed to me, but I think it might be a nice song for a more sensitive kid who likes to have a quiet day sometimes. It sounds a lot like some of BNL’s other slower songs, so it will feel familiar to the fans out there. And, it appears, Steve busted out the flute again.

Things - Very, very short. And yet, kind of sweet. Maybe it’s just the mommy hormones.

Curious - Feels a lot like a “kid” song, but tons of fun. Playing with words and rhyming, a good one to sing along with.

A Word for That - I love that it’s the adult trying to figure out a word, and it’s the kid who tells him what the word is. (I think it’s Ed’s kids, but that’s just a guess.)

Wishing - A silly, fun blues riff. Sounds like a classic southern rock tune.

Crazy ABC’s - Hi-fricking-larious. The banter cracks my shit up, and the choices they find for the word for each letter… You’ll laugh your butt off. Unless you’re like M, who audibly rolls his eyes at me. Haha, Zed for Zed Zed Top… I’m dying here.

Here Come the Geese - I notice they like to end albums with Kevin Hearn kind of flowy songs. They aren’t always my favorite songs, but I guess there a nice way to wind down at the end. It’s a good song, just not really my favorite.

The outing that was, and wasn’t

Wednesday afternoons are our child development class/playgroup at my nearby maternity store/center. Actually, this one that I’m taking is at the branch slightly farther away, but I decided at the time that it was worth it, because the timing of the actual class was better than the ones close to my house. It therefore involves a drive on the highway to get there, and takes about half an hour. Well, today, I get on the highway only to see signs alerting me that there’s an accident that has three (of four) lanes blocked. Great. But traffic was moving, so I kept on going. Close to 40 minutes later, when I was a little over halfway there, traffic was at a standstill, and the lanes hadn’t even started merging yet… I decided to just get off and turn around. As it was, I would have maybe gotten to class halfway through, and I didn’t want to be the one barging in. There’s no inconspicuous or quiet way to enter a room with two babies.

So, turn around we did, with Rebecca protesting ever louder in the backseat, upset at the fact that her afternoon bottle had not yet made its appearance. On the way back home, I pulled over at the rest area McDonalds. The kids got their bottles, I got the McFlurry I’d been craving all day. Despite things not going as planned, I suppose we had an outing of sorts, anyways.

As an aside, on the BNL front… I found out the store will be handing out wristbands for the performance area starting at 9AM. 9AM?! Crud. It’s not like this is down the street from me, somewhere I can pop over, grab the wristband, and come back later. And my kids cannot spend the entire day, including both naps, away from home. I just can’t imagine that would go well, would it? So, I guess maybe we’ll do afternoon nap in the car? Trying not to let the more frantic fan side of me take over… must at least have one good nap that day… Any suggestions? Cross your fingers for not too large a crowd!

Tooth count, yet again

It’s a friggin dental-fest in my house, and it’s all Daniel. Five-to-one! Rebecca’s single snaggletooth is now quite visible, and Daniel looks more like a vampire than ever. But I could tell the top-middle ones were close, and the first of those two cracked the surface last night. I swear, he’s going to have a mouth full by the time he’s a year!